


I Understand

by clh_372



Series: After the War [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aang is a good friend, Azula (Avatar) Needs Therapy, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Brother-Sister Relationships, Crazy Azula (Avatar), F/M, Gen, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Mai is a supportive girlfriend, Meditation, Mental Breakdown, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Older Brothers, Protective Zuko (Avatar), Redemption, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Rivalry, Zuko (Avatar) Needs Therapy, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, implied/referenced suicidal ideation, rainbow fire, there is a bit of Maiko here but it's not really the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26003443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clh_372/pseuds/clh_372
Summary: Months after the Agni Kai, Zuko is still struggling with Azula.  He wants to help her, but will she ever accept it?  In the struggle to bring warmth and light back to his sister, something changes for Zuko as well.
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: After the War [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040290
Comments: 22
Kudos: 312
Collections: AtLA <10k fics to read





	I Understand

**Author's Note:**

> I ended up having a lot to say about this fic, apparently, so notes are at the end.

It was evening at the institute. The sun had already set, and Zuko could feel its absence, a vague sensation of standing in the shade. He never came here before sundown; he had been strongly advised against it and he understood the reasoning. Firebenders set with the sun too, and she was no exception.

Zuko looked around at the bleak stone of the holding cell and shivered. 

“What’s wrong, Zuzu? Catching a cold?”

Azula sneered at him through the bars, but she was no longer the imposing figure she had been. Her armor had been exchanged for a simple prison shift and slippers, her choppy hair hung over her eyes, and iron manacles hung heavy on her wrists. Equally heavy chains trailed from the manacles across the floor and disappeared into holes on the back wall. They were slack now, allowing the princess to sit relatively comfortably, but Zuko knew they would pull taut at a moment’s notice. Clever machinery connected the chains to a lever outside the cell. The guard there had a hand on it at all times, and would trip the mechanism at the slightest hint of hostility. 

Zuko knew this from experience. When he’d first started visiting Azula at her asylum, all she’d ever do was try to attack him… that, and scream.

It broke his heart.

“It’s chilly in here. Do you need a blanket?”

“I don’t need anything from you, Zuzu. What have you ever had that anyone could need?”

Zuko sighed. _So we’re doing this again_.

“Unless you’re ready to give me back my crown,” she said, a hint of her old winning smile flitting over her lips.

He shook his head, already feeling the headache starting. “You’re not Fire Lord, Azula.”

“Well, I should be!” Azula retorted. “Father wanted it to be me!”

“Father was defeated. So were you.”

The princess snarled at him as she surged to her feet. “You and that water tribe peasant stole it from me!” she spat.

“You forfeited the Agni Kai the moment you fired at Katara, you know as well as I do. We didn’t steal anything, Azula. You just lost.”

“I - don’t - LOSE!” she screeched. The chains rattled as she pointed at him. The guard tightened his grip on the lever. “ _You’re_ the loser, not me, Zuzu, you always have been, and I’ll prove it to you the day I take that crown off your charred corpse!”

Looking into her eyes, shining feverishly above bared teeth and clenched fists, Zuko could not suppress the chill that ran down his spine. _You’re supposed to be my little sister,_ he thought. _We’re supposed to be family._

“How did we get here, Azula? It didn't use to be this way.”

The princess rolled her eyes. “Don’t you remember, Zuzu? I’ve always been a monster.”

Zuko shook his head. “No, Azula. Not always.”

“No? Allow me to prove you wrong!” Azula raised her hands, first two fingers pointed as she called upon her blue flame. 

But the guard was faster, and he had pulled the lever before she could even bring her hands above her waist. Counterweights dropped, gears unlatched, and Azula was pulled back against the far wall, hands restrained against the stone. This didn’t stop her; the princess opened her mouth and breathed out a stream of fire through the bars and straight towards Zuko.

“My Lord, watch out!” The guard called out in alarm, but Zuko didn’t move. He knew he didn’t need to. Sure enough, the fire stopped a foot short of him. Blue light danced over his scar and the blast of heat pushed the stray hairs back from his face, but the Fire Lord didn’t flinch.

Spots of light danced before his eyes as the fire subsided, but he could still see his sister, panting and grinning that same deranged smile she had worn at the Agni Kai. _She’s still slipping. I can’t catch her_. Frustration and despair flared in his chest, and must have shown on his face too, because suddenly Azula was laughing.

Azula’s doctor approached Zuko. “I think that’s enough for today, My Lord,” he suggested.

“Yeah… yes. Take her back to her quarters, please.” Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to ignore the throbbing behind his eyes. Finally he looked back at the princess. “Goodbye, Azula. I’ll see you again soon.” He turned and walked away, trying to keep his pace steady.

“Till next time, Zuzu!” Her laughter echoed behind him.

\---

“I don’t get why you keep going to see her.”

Zuko paused on the way to his dresser, hands momentarily still from where he reached up for his crown. Mai was one of the few people who could sneak up on him, and it was one of many reasons he admired her, but right now he really wished she wasn’t there.

“What else am I supposed to do?” he finally asked. He removed the crown, undid his topknot and shook his head, letting his hair flop in front of his face. The headache was building every second.

“You could stop.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” she asked. Instead of answering, Zuko just stared at the crown in his hand.

Mai stepped forward and laid a gentle hand on his arm. “Let her doctors take care of her, Zuko. You don’t need to keep putting yourself through this.”

He shook his head. “I can’t just abandon her.”

“Zuko, she _shot you with lightning_. S _he_ abandoned _you_.”

The teenager shrugged off Mai’s hand and stalked over to the window. “I already left her alone once,” he insisted, staring out at the darkening horizon. “I won’t do it again.”

“You didn’t leave her alone, Zuko, you were banished. You were thirteen years old and sent out to sea, and she wasn’t the slightest bit upset about it.”

Zuko knew it was true, but it still stung. “She was stuck here alone with _him._ I was gone and he was just twisting her apart.”

Behind him, Mai heaved a heavy sigh, as if rallying herself. “She was twisted long before you left. Or have you forgotten?”

“No,” Zuko said miserably. He remembered all too well. _Dad’s gonna kill you_ \- he still heard her taunt as if she was in the room with them, and hung his head.

“Zuko...” Once again Mai approached, joining him next to the window and staring across the darkening gardens. “None of this is your fault. Your parents set Azula against you and she latched on to the challenge - that’s on them. Not you.”

“My parents?“ Zuko turned to stare at her. Obviously _Ozai_ had encouraged the siblings’ rivalry as soon as he discovered Azula’s talent, but - “What does Mother have to do with this?”

“Ozai wasn’t the only one pitting you and Azula against each other - yes, Zuko, she was, even if she didn’t mean to - “

“My mother loved us both!”

“I know she did,” Mai said gently. “But you were her favorite, and Azula couldn’t stand being beaten at anything.”

“So it’s Mother’s fault?”

“No!” Despite her best efforts, Mai’s patience was slipping. “No one is responsible for Azula except Azula!”

“And Ozai.”

“Ozai wasn’t the one throwing stale bread at the turtleducks, or smashing the butter-bees - “

“Look - “

“- or ‘accidentally’ burning us during training - “

“I know, but - “

“ - he didn’t tell her to let you almost drown at the beach, or push you off the roof, or make us do dangerous things just to scare us - “

“Ozai encouraged - “

“ _Ozai_ wasn’t the one who suggested burning the entire Earth Kingdom to the ground! That was Azula! It always has been!”

“Mai, _please_!” He’d been yelling up till this moment, but now his voice cracked, and his eyes had a look of desperation. Mai stopped, but stared him down nonetheless. Zuko ran his hands through his hair and slumped against the wall, face tight with pain and frustration. Eventually he slid down to the floor and buried his face in his hands. 

For a few moments, Mai looked down on her boyfriend, but soon her gaze softened and she let out a small sigh. She sat down next to him. “Why are you defending her?”

“I’m not!”

“Sure sounds like it.”

“Listen - I know what she’s done, I know better than anyone.”

“I’m not sure you do,” Mai interrupted. “You weren’t always there. You didn’t see her at the Royal Fire Academy, the way she set us all against each other just to see who got hurt most. You didn’t see her laugh when she watched your father burn you.”

“I know.”

“She almost destroyed Ty Lee's circus when she said she didn’t want to help hunt you down. Ty Lee could have died.”

“Yeah, _I know_.”

“She would have let my baby brother die if it got her what she wanted.”  
  
”I’m sorry.”

“You’re not the one who should be sorry, don’t you get it?”

“Yeah, I get it. My sister’s a terrible person who’s done terrible things.” He turned to look at her, finally, and Mai saw that his eyes were wet and shining. “But so was I, wasn’t I?”

“No. You weren’t.”

“How can you say that?!” exclaimed the teen. “I was horrible! I attacked innocent people, betrayed Uncle, said awful things to him and you and Ty Lee - ”

“There’s a difference between yelling at people and shooting lightning at them, Zuko. You’re nothing like her and you never were.”

“But what if I had been? What if I was the one Father favored, and her that he always tore down?”

“I think that would only have made her more dangerous. Listen, Zuko.” Mai reached out and turned his face towards her, though he refused to meet her eyes. “We will never know how things _might_ have been. We only know what actually happened, and what _happened_ is that Azula hurt us since we were kids, wanted to kill us both, and would have burnt the world to a crisp if it meant she could rule the ashes.”

Zuko closed his eyes and hugged his legs to his chest, hiding his face in his knees. He knew Mai was right, knew that nothing could deny or excuse Azula’s actions. But it hadn’t always been that way, and that was what haunted him.

“She wasn’t always so cruel.”

“Wasn’t she?” Zuko shook his head. “Well, you knew her before I did. I’ll take your word for it.”

“It shouldn’t have been this way.”

“I know.” She gently leaned into Zuko’s side, and he settled against her, resting his head on her shoulder. 

The two sat like that for some time. Mai watched as the last of the light from the sunset faded, orange sinking into dusky blue shadow. She thought back to their picnic, before the comet - _I don’t hate you (I don’t hate you too) -_ and sighed. All she’d wanted was for them to be happy together, and that was all she wanted now, but Azula was standing over them still.

In a very small voice, Zuko said, “I just want to help her. I changed, didn’t I? Maybe she can too.”

“Maybe. But Zuko - you changed because you wanted to. You saw that you were wrong and you wanted to fix it. Azula has never done that. You can’t _make_ her change if she doesn’t want to.”

“You’re right, I know you are, I just…it’s not fair!” Anger was creeping back into his voice now, emphatic hand gestures punctuating his frustration. “I’m her brother, I’m supposed to be there for her, and I can’t - _fix_ it!”

Mai sighed once again. “No. You can’t.” She pushed herself off the floor with practiced grace and extended her hand towards Zuko. He took it, and she helped him to his feet before resting her hands on his shoulders. 

“Listen to me, Zuko,” she said carefully. “I know you want to help her and I respect that, I really do. And maybe you’re right, maybe she can get better - but that’s up to her, now. You _can’t_ fix it, and I don’t want her to hurt you more than she already has."

The firebender looked down into her tawny eyes and nodded slowly. Guilt and grief twisted in his gut, and he pulled her into an embrace. “Thank you, Mai. I’ll try to remember.” But as he thought of his sister, raving and hateful in the asylum, he shuddered. “Do you hate me for still loving her?”

“No, Zuko,” Mai shook her head. “But I do hate _her_.”

His sigh seemed to come from deep within his soul. “I don’t blame you. I do too, sometimes.”

With a very slight smile that looked terribly sad, Mai smoothed the young Fire Lord’s hair behind his ear before caressing his cheek. “Tell me next time you go see her,” she said. “I’ll go with you.”

He looked at her with wide, startled eyes. “But you just said you hate her!”

“I do. And even if you’re right and she gets better, I never want to see her again.” She planted a soft kiss on his cheek and said, “But I don’t hate you.”

Zuko sighed and leaned his forehead against Mai’s. “I don’t hate you too,” he smiled, before pulling her close once again.

\---

Much later that night, Zuko lay awake, staring at the dark sky outside. Mai had long since gone home and he had gone to bed hours ago, but his mind refused to rest. Finally he gave up entirely, pushed back the covers and stood up in the darkness.

Across the room he had set up a small table. On it were portraits of his mother, Uncle, Mai, and Lu Ten. Also there was a drawing Sokka had done of the whole Gaang, and a small turtleduck Toph had shaped for him out of some kind of black metal. Zuko looked down on this collection and smiled before settling down on the cushion in front of it. He closed his eyes, called forth a flame in his cupped hands, and began to meditate.

Breath in… hold… breath out… hold… deep breath once again. Zuko allowed the gentle rise and fall of his chest to calm him, to slow his heartbeat and ease the tension in his body. The little flame matched his breathing, its warmth rising and receding in his hands. 

He was tired, and his thoughts wandered. That was okay - Uncle had taught him that the point of meditation was not to repress his thoughts, but to understand them - to acknowledge his feelings without being controlled. So instead of trying to corral his mind, he let the thoughts come and go, observing them and letting them pass away.

Zuko thought of Azula - not as she was now but as they had been when they were younger. How quiet she had been as a baby, eyes wide as she drank in the world around her. How sweet her laughter had been when they chased each other around the gardens. He had held her little hand as they explored tide pools on the beach at Ember Island, his mother watchful as bright sunlight illuminated her smile. His chest ached at the memories. They had been happy once. Him, Mother, Uncle, Lu Ten, and Azula - all together, all happy. 

Ozai had not been around them much, then. He only started paying attention to his family when Azula’s talent became apparent. That was when he turned his eyes on the children, and that was when it all started to fall apart. Now Mother was gone, Lu Ten was gone, Azula… gone. In that moment, Zuko felt so helpless. They were all gone, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

But then he thought of what Mai had said. There _was_ nothing he could have done. It wasn’t his fault - it never had been. _Mai_. She was there for him. She had given him another chance, stood against Azula for him, and stood beside him still. His heart flooded with gratitude. The warmth of the fire in his hands washed over him.

From the hallway, Zuko heard the sound of booted footsteps. They stopped outside his door, and someone knocked. The voice outside identified themself as one of the assistants from the asylum.

Zuko sighed. “Come in,” he called. He could not bring himself to open his eyes.

“My Lord,” the assistant said, bowing low. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but there’s been an incident with Princess Azula. The doctor said you’d asked to be informed - “

“That’s fine,” interrupted Zuko. His headache had almost been gone, too. “Thank you. I’ll be along shortly.”

Zuko heard the rustling of robes as the assistant stood, but they did not leave immediately. “Is there something else?” Zuko asked. He did his best to hold his flame steady. _Just another moment of calm,_ he thought. _Let me have just a little longer._

“Sir, your fire…” The assistant hesitated, sounding uncertain.

“What about it?” Zuko snapped, finally turning to look at them, his flame snuffing out as he clenched his fists in his lap. The assistant flinched, and Zuko kicked himself mentally. “Never mind,” he said, his voice as gentle as he could manage. “Thank you. Please tell the doctor I am on my way.”

They nodded and bowed again before retreating, closing the door behind them.

Zuko hung his head, then sighed and went to slip on his robes and boots. He considered calling on Mai - she _had_ asked him to tell her next time he went to Azula - but ultimately he decided to let her sleep. He’d tell her about it in the morning, and ask her to come along next time. Besides, if he was being called at this time of night, it meant Azula was in particularly bad shape. He didn’t want to subject Mai to that. 

The crown on the dresser gleamed softly in the pale light from the window. Zuko considered it, then shook his head. A breach of etiquette perhaps, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

When he arrived at Azula’s quarters, the doctors told him she had been screaming hysterically, throwing herself against the walls, much like she had been when first brought here. They’d had to restrain her, but she had since gone silent. 

Zuko looked into the cell. It was a fairly large room, humbly furnished but comfortable. A small window high up on the wall allowed a view of the sky. Scorch marks marred the walls - there had been paintings hung there, peaceful landscapes in faded colors, but Azula had burned them all down almost immediately. Azula herself was lying on her side on the floor, staring into space. Zuko sat down and watched her through the bars. Her eyes shifted to him, but otherwise she was still. He stayed there till the sun began to rise, and she never said a word.

\---

“She wouldn’t talk to me at all, Uncle. It’s worse than when she screams.”

It was the next morning. Zuko had not slept at all, as the dark circles under his eyes could attest. _Oh well,_ the teen thought. _What’s one more sleepless night?_ At least Uncle was there. He came to the palace regularly, and Zuko cherished every visit. 

Uncle chewed his jook with a thoughtful expression. “As hard as it was to witness, perhaps this is a sign of progress. A change in behavior means a change in mind.”

“Maybe.” Zuko stared into his teacup, his own bowl untouched in front of him.

This did not escape the old man’s notice, and he regarded his nephew with somber eyes. “Nephew, I know it is hard right now, but you must take care of yourself. Eat! And _rest_.” 

Zuko picked up his bowl with a scowl. “I suppose I should drink some calming tea, too?” he muttered.

Uncle’s smile was fond despite Zuko’s grouchy response. “A wise man nourishes both his body and his mind, so he can weather the hardships in his path.”

“Am I doing the right thing, Uncle?” The young firebender looked at his uncle with tired eyes.

“Helping the people you love is always the right thing,” the old man smiled. “As long as you are taking care of yourself too,” he added, raising his eyebrows and giving Zuko’s breakfast a significant look. Zuko rolled his eyes and began to eat.

They ate in comfortable silence for a while, but Zuko’s thoughts were not so quiet. Perhaps it was just because he was so tired, but he couldn’t keep himself from asking.

“Have you been to see Ozai?”

Uncle’s face darkened. “No,” he answered. “I don’t think I ever will.” Seeing the crestfallen expression on Zuko’s face, he added, “But it’s not the same situation, Nephew. Perhaps you are right about Azula - she may still have a chance. Ozai gave up all his chances long ago.”

“I almost wish…” _I almost wish Aang had just killed him._ Zuko didn’t let the words slip out, but Uncle understood what was left unsaid. 

“Sometimes I do too.”

“It wasn’t always like this, was it?” Zuko asks, almost desperately. He wanted confirmation, acknowledgement that his memories were not just fantasies after all. “We were happy once, weren’t we?” 

“Yes. Yes, we were.”

Zuko felt a tear spill from his eye, and he scrubbed it away, expression determined. “I don’t think Father ever loved me,” he said. “But I believe Azula did. Maybe she still does. I’m not giving up on her.”

“I’m glad. And I’m so proud of you.” When the teen looked up at him, surprise on his face, Uncle continued, “Even in the face of tragedy, you choose hope. You choose life, and you don’t give up. That’s what makes you strong - it always has been. If anyone can get through to her, it’s you.”

\---

Another restless night, another round of meditation. Zuko closed his eyes, called on his flame. In his mind, he imagined the dragon fire. He cycled through the colors it had shown - purple, pink, green, pearlescent white. He remembered the pulse of the Eternal Flame between his hands, and his own fire responded, as if it were breathing in sync with his own. Uncle had found the dragons too...

Iroh’s face appeared in the flame in his mind, and Zuko’s heart swelled in his chest. How lucky, he thought, to have had Uncle with him all this time. He wouldn’t have had a chance without Uncle. 

_Perhaps I can be that for Azula._

With that hopeful thought, Zuko released his flame and opened his eyes. They fell upon the little metal turtleduck, and for a moment he imagined he saw a gleam of green on its surface. _Guess I’m more tired than I thought_. Uncle’s words echoed in his ears - _rest!_

Zuko climbed into bed and drifted away.

\---

“I brought you cherries, Azula.”

Zuko was once again sitting in front of Azula’s holding cell. She was pacing this time. The chains trailed from her wrists, clinking behind her as she prowled back and forth behind the bars. She did not spare Zuko a single glance.

He soldiered on anyway. “I got you a custard bun too. Do you still like those? Remember when we’d get them in Ember Island, before going to the plays?” Jasmine tea was brewing in the teapot in front of him, and Zuko carefully poured her a cup. He set it on the tray along with the cherries and bun and scooted it through the bars.

Finally Azula stopped pacing. Briefly she looked between him and the teapot. Her lips twisted in a sudden snarl and she backhanded, a jet of blue flame sweeping towards the floor. The tray, and everything on it, exploded from the heat. The custard bun was incinerated, and shards of porcelain cut them both.

“Wow, Zuzu,” she sneered. “You really are like dear old Uncle. Look at you! An old fool before you even turn eighteen.”

Zuko surged to his feet. “I’m just trying to help you!” he yelled, fists clenched at his side. The guard by the lever looked incredibly tense.

“By torturing me with tea time?” retorted Azula. “Rubbing your victory in my face?” She rushed forward, grabbing the bars so tightly her knuckles turned white. “Just let me rot, I know that’s what you really want to do. Or better yet, just kill me!”

“I don’t want you dead, Azula!”

“That makes one of us.”

For a moment Zuko couldn’t breath. It was as if he were back in the waters of the North Pole, a glacial hand clenched around his heart. He stared at his sister with wide eyes. She was still holding onto the bars, biting her lip and staring down at the shattered remains of the cup.

“Azula…” Suddenly he couldn’t find his voice at all.

She turned her eyes on him, gleaming with pain and tears. “Just GO!” she screamed. Her voice was broken and raw.

Zuko did not want to leave her, but her doctors were rushing forward and he found himself retreating, backing out the door but unable to tear his eyes away from her twisted face.

Mai was waiting for him outside, and the door barely had time to swing shut before she had her arms around him. Zuko gripped her tight, his face buried into the crook of her neck.

“You heard her?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Zuko.”

He couldn’t find any words at all. Nor could he stop the tears that soaked into Mai’s robes, but she didn’t seem to care - she only held him closer, one hand on his back, the other buried in his soft hair. 

Eventually she let him go, though one arm stayed close around his waist. “Let’s get out of here.” Zuko nodded, and they made their way to the exit. 

“For what it’s worth,” Mai leaned into him, “I’d love a custard bun.” Zuko squeezed her against his side, wiped his eyes with his free hand, and laughed.

\---

Zuko was sitting by the turtleduck pond. The little ones were swimming just in front of him, though he had long since run out of bread. They were playing, ruffling their fluffy wings in the water, occasionally spraying the firebender with water, but he didn’t mind. The mother turtleduck was preening on the shore. They trusted him. The thought made him smile.

“There you are, Zuko!”

He twisted around as Aang landed on the grass, the wings of his glider folding in. The turtleducks quacked in surprise.

“Hey, Aang. Finished your trip already?” Zuko looked around. “Where are the others?” 

“They’re on their way. Sokka and Katara wanted some extra time with Hakoda, so I left Appa with them.”

Zuko nodded. Hakoda was visiting a Fire Nation prison with some other Water Tribe dignitaries, arranging for the release of waterbender prisoners who were finally going home. The young firebender had wanted to be there when they were released, and he regretted missing the occasion. But as his advisers continually reminded him, he couldn’t be everywhere at once. _They probably wouldn’t be happy to see the Fire Lord anyway_ , Zuko reflected. Perhaps it was for the best.

Aang was talking, Zuko realized, chattering about the flying fish he’d played with on the way to the palace, the pretty cloud shapes he’d seen, how glad he was that he’d left before having to eat sea prunes again. Zuko smiled fondly and let the boy’s voice wash over him.

“But what about you? Didn’t you have a ton of important meetings today?”

This was true. Zuko always had many meetings with many people, all of whom thought their business the most important. Today’s discussions, however, were of particularly high priority to him.

When Aang had told him about his experience with the Fire Nation school, Zuko realized that in order to bring his people back into the world, he would have to first dismantle the propaganda machine that had twisted their views of it in the first place. To accomplish this, he had put together a team of historians, Fire Sages, and cultural representatives from the other nations, and today they had presented the beginnings of the new curriculum. It was just a start, but Zuko was pleased with their progress.

He updated Aang on the process, who listened with bright grin. “That’s sounds great, Zuko!”

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck. “We still have so much to do,” he admitted. “It’s overwhelming.”

“Yeah, but you’ve done so much already, it’s amazing! Your people are lucky to have you.” 

The firebender could feel himself blushing. “Thanks, Aang.” Aang smiled back at him and settled down next to Zuko. He opened the snack compartment in his staff and started to feed the turtleducks, and soon they were swarming around him, quacking happily.

“Actually, Aang,” Zuko started. He swallowed. “I had another idea that, um. Well. I don’t know if it’s any good but I wanted to see what you thought.”

“Yeah, sure, Zuko.” Aang’s eyes shone with curiosity.

“Well…” He was fidgeting, twisting the sleeves of his robes. “I just thought that we could - I mean, maybe it would be good to restore the Western Air Temple. Clean it up, do any - burial rites, or…” Zuko was sweating. Aang’s expression was inscrutable, and he looked quickly back to the turtleducks. “And you could teach us about them. I have the sages going through the old resources, trying to find any histories - or I guess, you could just tell us stuff, um. And a memorial!” he remembered. “To - to honor them.” Zuko stopped and took a shaky breath. “I know it’s not enough,” he said, staring down at his hands. “The Fire Nation can never make up for what we did to your people. I don’t even know if any of that stuff would be appropriate, coming from us, but…” 

Aang still hadn’t said anything. Zuko closed his eyes. Had he insulted the airbender? “I’m sorry if it’s a stupid idea,” he muttered.

The firebender’s breath was knocked out of his lungs as Aang launched himself into his arms. “Thank you, Zuko.” His voice was thick with tears. “I’d love to restore the temple. We can figure out the rest too.”

“Okay,” Zuko wrapped his arms around the airbender. “Whatever you want - whatever you think is best, I’ll make it happen. I promise.”

By the time they sat back, both of them were sniffing. Aang wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and Zuko laughed as he rubbed his eyes. “Thanks for giving us a chance,” he whispered, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat and said, “I just hope Azula didn’t mess the temple up too badly.”

“I can fix it,” Aang shrugged. “Toph can help too.” Then he gave Zuko a searching look and asked, “How is Azula?”

Zuko tugged at the grass, eyes downcast. “Not good.”

Aang rested a hand on his shoulder. “Keep trying, Zuko. You’re doing the right thing.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Of course. She’s just a kid.”

“ _You’re_ just a kid.”

“Well, you’re just a teenager.”

They shared a laugh, and as he looked into Aang’s grey eyes, he felt a wonderful sense of peace, and love. He shifted in the grass, looking out towards the western sky, painted with all the colors of the setting sun. “I was just going to meditate,” he said to Aang. “Want to join me?”

Aang gave a mock bow before shifting into a cross-legged position. “I would be honored, Sifu Hotman.”

“I told you not to call me that!”

“Sorry,” Aang grinned. “FIre Lord Hotman.”

Zuko groaned as Aang giggled. Then he closed his eyes and cupped his hands in his lap. Aang called upon his own flame, and once again Zuko felt that rush of warmth for his friend. _My friend…_ even now, it filled him with a sense of wonder. _Look how far we’ve come_.

Beside him, Aang gave a tiny gasp. “Zuko…that’s amazing.”

“What’s amazing?” Zuko asked, looking at Aang. The airbender was looking at Zuko’s fire. He looked too, and his eyes widened. “Oh,” he breathed.

“Since when could you do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s beautiful.”

Zuko smiled, a tear sliding down his cheek. “Like a little heartbeat.”

\---

That night, when Zuko went to Azula, he could tell something was different. He couldn’t tell exactly what it was - something in her eyes, when she watched him approach. “Back again, Zuzu,” she said. She was leaning against the back wall of the cell, chains pooling on the ground on either side, with her hands folded together loosely. It would have looked relaxed, but Zuko knew better. After all this time, he’d finally learned to see her. 

She was a viper-hawk, waiting to strike.

Zuko stood in front of her cell. “I’m not going to leave you, Azula.”

“Why not?” Then she laughed, “Oh, no need to answer, Zuzu. I already know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. It’s because you’re weak! Pathetic. A traitor to the Fire Nation.”

When Zuko did not reply, Azula narrowed her eyes. “Nothing to say, Zuzu? Is it because you know I’m right?”

“No, Azula,” he sighed.

“Oh, I think the assassins beg to differ,” Azula laughed. Seeing his expression, she shrugged. “People talk, Zuzu. Did you think I wouldn’t pay attention? How many are you up to now, anyway?”

“I thought you said you were paying attention,” he snapped back.

She rolled her eyes. “Why are you really here?”

“I _told_ you, Azula. I’m trying - “

She was so fast. Her left foot braced against the wall, her right foot slid forward, and her hands circled together briefly before _pushing_ forward. Her palms unleashed a sphere of blue. The guard gave a shout and pulled the lever but it was too late, the blaze was already hurtling through the air. Azula cackled triumphantly. 

This fire was not like the one she’d breathed at him before. 

This one would not stop.

Zuko knew this. He had known as soon as he saw her leaning oh so casually against the wall. The look in her eyes was the same as she’d worn at their Agni Kai, and it said _murder,_ it said _kill._

Blue fire rushed forward, sphere expanding, heating the bars red-hot, and his sister was laughing.

But he was ready.

Zuko shifted his stance, brought his hands in front of him as if cradling a ball, and felt his fire flare in front of his chest. Then he stepped _forward_ , into the flame. One hand swept up to eye level; the other pushed down, to his waist. Then he drew them apart, opened his chest and _released_.

A disk of rainbow fire swirled in front of Zuko. Azula’s fireball hit its epicenter and simply disappeared, the brilliant blue absorbed into the dance of colors, one of many. She stared, purples and yellows dancing in her wide eyes, green gleaming off her manacles, blue reflected in the tears that streamed from her eyes. 

Myriad colors swirled in the air between the siblings, and Azula wept.

Silence fell as the flames dissipated. Zuko stood, tall and calm, in front of the still-glowing bars of the cell. The guards and the doctor simply stared, awed.

Zuko did not notice them. He looked only at Azula, held against the back wall with tears streaming down her face. He was crying too, he realized, and he took in a shuddering breath.

“There’s more to us than hate, Azula. You _can_ choose. And I’ll be here to help.”

Zuko gestured to the guard to release the mechanism. The guard looked like he wanted to protest, but ultimately did not dare to do so, and with a great rattling, Azula’s chains coiled on the floor beside her once again. She huddled against the back wall, breathing hard as she stared at her brother.

“Would you meditate with me?” he asked her. She didn’t answer, but he didn’t expect her too. Instead he settled cross-legged on the ground and once again called on his flame. Azula flinched as the rainbow light filled the room, and he closed his eyes. Breath in… hold. Breath out… hold. The gentle warmth of his fire filled the chilly room as it danced in his hands.

The sound of gently clinking chains filled the room, but the guard did not pull the lever. After a moment Zuko opened his eyes.

His sister was sitting in her cell, eyes closed, a blue flame pulsing slowly in her hands. 

**Author's Note:**

> This originally started as me wanting to see Zuko starting to bend rainbow fire, and I really had no idea what the concept would end up turning into. But I'm really glad it took the turn it did.
> 
> I have conflicting thoughts about Azula, as reflected in Zuko's first conversation with Mai. There's all those hints about how Azula was cruel and manipulative from the start - but there's also hints that she wasn't. Even in the third book, there's moments where she expresses genuine concern for both Zuko and Ty Lee, and it is absolutely beyond question that her treatment at Ozai's hands was just as damaging as Zuko's was, just in a different way. But can she ever be redeemed?
> 
> The thing for me is that no one *deserves* a redemption arc - it is something that has to be chosen, and worked for, and even then you can't expect forgiveness or even acceptance, but you choose to do it anyway, because it's right. Deserve's got nothing to do with it. So I think Azula could be redeemed, or at least heal, but it has to start from her, and that starts with someone showing her the path. That's all Zuko can do, and the rest is up to her. But I, for one, hope she makes it.
> 
> This fic also ended up giving me an opportunity to talk about the Air Nomad genocide, and how Zuko might try to atone for it, with as much respect as possible. It's another complicated topic that fit neatly with the overall theme of redemption and I hope I handled it respectfully.
> 
> As a point of interest, Zuko's rainbow disk move at the end is basically a tai chi move, White Crane Spreads Its Wings. Another move inspired by waterbenders. It felt appropriate with the story's focus on meditation - both for the way tai chi is sometimes referred to as "moving meditation," but moreso because meditation always feels somewhat water-like - observing the stream of one's inner being, trying to find clarity.
> 
> I hope you liked this one, thanks so much for reading.


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